Archive for July, 2012

If one thing is certain when it comes to the human species, no matter how evolved one may think we have become over the millennia, we still share personality traits with our early ancestors.

It is in our nature to act upon various situations and stimuli before thinking it through rationally. This has caused at times great peril for those involved, be it at a micro level (the household) or Macro level (a leader of a nation or public figure). Examples can be drawn from everyday life all around us throughout history, like the husband/wife who had an affair without taking the feelings of those around him/her into account before embarking on their illicit behaviour. The state leader who had an affair with his intern (yes Bill we remember), the leader who stood up in front of the world and stated that beetroots cure HIV/Aids. My personal favourite “I didn’t get Aids… I took a shower right afterwards”.

If they did give their impending behaviour due thought would they have had the same feelings or those around them felt the way they do now about those often touchy subjects?  Maybe they would of, but we will never know as this tendency (and no Julius it is not a white tendency) to act/behave before feeling/thinking will always be embedded in our subconscious, followed by various feelings of regret, sadness, anger, joy… which makes for good conversation pieces and stories around the dinner table. For those involved (at some time or another we all are) is it too late to feel after the damage has been done?  We know what we do will effect others including ourselves later, yet this does not stop us from acting upon these urges and only feeling later when it is too late. And sorry seems to be the hardest word.


Before we start reading this post good people let me make it clear, this is not a post about racism! Sorry comrades… Aluta Continua, it will be a piece about what it takes to Klap (smack) it in the gym!

For months I have been working out with no progress and just don’t get it… why am I not as huge as the other guys? After a lot of observation it dawned upon me… I have been approaching this gym thing the wrong way.

Gym is all about attitude nothing more nothing less, those of us who go to the gym hit the machines with specific programmes are just wasting our time! Now time for the big secret, here is what you need to do to make the most of your gym time:

  • Name change– the first thing you need to do is change your name, make it something intimidating so when your name is being screamed by your gym partner people stop and stare, try Frikkie “KOM FRIKKIE! JUST 2 MORE, PUSH IT DAMMIT PUSH IT” pretty scary right, I know I would stop and stare at this beast called Frickkie! Cause in all honesty if your name is Charles you sure as hell are not going to get respect in the free weight section! “Push it Charles you doing well”.
  • The gear- you are not going to get any respect if you are wearing a Pink T-shirt you need a vest! Not just any vest! You need a wife beater… the tightest one you can find, even if you have tooth pick arms… put them in a dam vest (KOM FRIKKIE, PUSH IT). And buy an IPad. Nothing says I’m here to work out and get huge more than a guy walking around the gym using an IPad.
  • The crew- Frikkie can’t gym alone, you need to have your Chinaz there with you looking intimidating, motivating you even when you are curling 5kg “KOM FRIKKIE VOK MAN PUSH IT” think John Travolta in GREASE with his crew. Because everyone knows you need your Chinaz there.
  • The attitude- now this is the most important part, the attitude… you and your crew need to practice this before you head to the gym, maybe meet at one guys house and spend hours doing this in the mirror. When you arrive at the gym split up from your crew (don’t forget, chest in stomach out… or is it chest out, stomach in?) find people you know making sure you greet them and flex all your muscles as you shake hands, you will do this for about 10 minutes. Rendezvous with your Chinaz in the “big boy section” aka weights. Walk around looking at all the weights… pick up the heaviest weights, making sure that you speak loud enough for others to hear “THESE DAM WEIGHTS ARE TO LIGHT DAMMIT, NOW I HAVE TO DO A LIGHT WORKOUT”. Now start working out, remember always scream and throw down the weights no matter how light the weight to grab attention.
  • Le Petite- last but not least, you need a really hot babe who looks like a Plastic Barbie, who also works out at your gym (petite as possible), to come and hug you and flirt with you at least once a session so that other guys want to be like you, and she makes you look bigger than you really are.

Once you meet all these requirements you are officially ready to klap the gym Frikkie, and this is the secret to what gym is really about… forget about actually going there to work out! You’re wasting your time! So just “KLAP HOM FRIKKIE”.